In the Kitchen

 As strange as this may sound, I have always loved being in the kitchen. Most people find this statement  to be strange for me because I don't actually eat anything I make. When I was 24, I lost my abilities to chew and swallow food; well, I didn't fully lose these abilities, but it took so much effort and energy to eat that my body was burning calories faster than I was consuming. At 24, I was rocking the scale at 32 pounds.  The doctor said that I had two options: feeding tube or  death by starvation. I had been fighting the idea of a feeding tube ever since I was young; I had once heard a story of a young boy who had my same condition, and he went in for the routine procedure of inserting a feeding tube. However, the young boy never survived the surgery. From that point on, I was dead set AGAINST getting a feeding tube, but now I was facing starvation or surgery and a chance at survival. I agreed to the surgery on the condition of no general anesthesia.  I remember the surgeon was hesitant with my condition, but he understood my concern and worry, so he agreed to perform the surgery with local anesthesia. 

I remember talking to the surgeon through the whole surgery. He had told my parents that the procedure would take approximately 30 minutes, and it was just so convenient that I happened to be looking at the clock during the surgery. I remember keeping him up on the time because I was not interested in staying in the operating room one minute longer than the promised 30 minutes.  The first two weeks following surgery I gained 15 pounds, and I would tell you today that the feeding tube not only saved my life but also enhanced the quality of my health and life.  I no longer have to spend hours struggling to get enough calories in my body; I  no longer have to worry about aspirating or choking on my food. Meal time was much more enjoyable for my parents and me because we didn't have to fret about whether or not I was getting enough to survive. 

I have lived with my feeding tube for 18 years now, and I would definitely say the good days far outweigh the bad days. Yes, I have some problems with it from time to time, but that is to be expected when you live with a foreign object in your body. Even though I have not physically eaten an entire meal for 18 years, one of my greatest enjoyments is being in the kitchen and preparing food. I love cooking and adding spices; I enjoy smelling the food while it cooks or bakes. I love watching other people enjoy what I have created.  But I can honestly say that I have no desire to taste or eat what I make.  No, it is NOT because I am a bad cook!! I believe it is because my body is nourished and satisfied; it is not lacking.  Oftentimes people will ask if I miss eating and food. I really don't.  Eating and food was not enjoyment and fellowship for me; it was HARD WORK! 

I do look forward to the day when I will eat without a tube and find the meal to be enjoyable. I am excited for the day when I don't have to eat to sustain my body but just eat in fellowship and friendship at the GREAT banquet. However, part of me doesn't want to be at the banquet; I want to be in the kitchen. It will be an awesome day when I can physically add spices on my own, stir the broth and mix the batter. It is on that day that I will truly be in the kitchen--completely whole and full. 

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